"Resentment hurts me most," is a saying often heard in 12-step recovery meetings.
Overcoming resentment is essential in order to achieve true peace of mind and happiness.
Resentment, the word, consists of two parts:
- Re, meaning again, and
- -sentment, which like, sentiment, means to feel.
So, "resentment" means to feel again. Long-standing resentments are something we feel over and over and over again, ad infinitum.
Who feels resentment?
It is important to realise that the resentment is felt only by the person feeling it.
The person to whom the resentment is directed is normally oblivious to the resentment you carry. That is until you explode in anger at them when the resentment overcomes you.
Resentment Hurts Me Most
The resentment you carry hurts you most, because you are carrying it. And, the anger you express as a result of your resentment works to hurt you even more - even though your anger might be intended to hurt the object of your resentment. It hurts you most.
Resentment makes me feel good
Resentment makes us feel good through our prideful thinking, "If he has wronged me, then I am better than him."
Feeling resentful is addictive
Carrying resentments can itself be addictive, because resenting someone can make us feel powerful. People who suffer from addictions instinctively gravitate towards actions which make them feel good in the short term, but which are self-destructive in the long term. Hence resentment can be particularly troublesome for people with addictive personalities.
Creating the Desire to overcome resentment
Since resentment can make us feel good we need to find a way to overcome this addictive and self-destructive pleasure-hurdle.We need to find a way to create a heart-felt desire to do this. Without such desire we are unlikely to take action on the work we need to do to overcome the resentment.
Some people in recovery have found these self-statements useful to create the desire to change:
- "That person is not paying rent in my head, so I'm not going to give them any space there."
- "The resentment is hurting me most, and the other person is oblivious of my pain. So its insanity for me to keep hurting myself."
- "The first insight in the St Francis of Assisi prayer tells me that I should seek to love where I feel hatred. This will give me peace of mind and serenity."
So, we start to see that overcoming resentment is something we must do for ourselves if we wish to find peace of mind.
When we find this desire, we become willing to take the steps to overcoming resentment. When we take these steps we find peace of mind.
This process of overcoming resentment was discovered by people trying to recover from their self-destructive addictions.
Millions of people worldwide have found peace of mind by practicing the 12 steps to overcome resentments.