The words of two long-time members of Alcoholics Anonymous, Joe and Charlie, provide this tongue-in-cheek adaption of The Promises of Alcoholics Anonymous.
It is insightful how alcohol became our ruler because of wonderful way it made us feel:
Whenever I took a drink of alcohol...
- Whenever I took a drink of alcohol I knew a new freedom and a new happiness,
- Whenever I took a drink of alcohol I did not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it,
- Whenever I took a drink of alcohol I would comprehend the word serenity, and...
- ...I would know peace.
- Whenever I took a drink of alcohol no matter how far down the scale I had gone, I would see how my experiences could benefit others.
- Whenever I took a drink of alcohol that feeling of uselessness and self-pity would disappear.
- Whenever I took a drink of alcohol I would lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in my fellows.
- Whenever I took a drink of alcohol self-seeking would slip away.
- Whenever I took a drink of alcohol my whole attitude and outlook upon life would change.
- Whenever I took a drink of alcohol fear of people and economic insecurity would leave me.
- Whenever I took a drink of alcohol I would intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle me.
- Whenever I took a drink of alcohol I would suddenly realise that God alcohol was doing for me what I could not do for myself.
No wonder I loved to drink!
Think about that for a moment... No wonder I loved to drink. When you find anything that will do that much for you you immediately become mentally addicted to the use of it, whatever it is:
- If it had been chocolate icecream, by God I would have been addicted to chocolate icecream.
- If it had been gambling, I would have been addicted to gambling.
In my case alcohol did for me what I could not do for myself. It was my friend, and it worked for me like magic for years.
But one day, alcohol turned against me
And all the things I was afraid would happen to me now began to happen because of the alcohol itself. I became a very, very confused individual. Not knowing I was alcoholic. Not knowing I would ever be able to capture these feelings from alcohol, I spent the last 4, 5 or 6 years of my drinking desperately trying to get these things back from alcohol. It almost destroyed me in the process.
I came to AA
You gave me a book. I found a little program of action in this book. I began to apply it in my life. And one day I woke up and found these promises in my head. And I suddenly realised that the first 9 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous are doing just exactly for me what alcohol used to do for me when alcohol was my friend. You see, that's why I don't drink today.
If I hadn't have found this somewhere I'd still be searching for it. I would probably gone back to alcohol until it had completely consumed me and destroyed me. But I don't need to drink because I've found everything good that alcohol gave me through the first nine steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. That's the miracle of Alcoholics Anonymous
Reference: Joe and Charlie's talk on steps 8 and 9 of the Alcoholics Anonymous 12 step program.